I wait on my next dose.
Addicted since the very first day.
Can’t get enough even though it’s poison in every drop and every way.
The rush lasts for hours, helps me find comfort in the most discomforting way.
Maybe I’m a masochist, I always to try to run and break free but deep down I know I will never leave.
What can I do? This addiction started when I first layed my eyes on you.
It’s highs and it’s lows, how my emotions are out of control. They sometimes sound like the laughter that forms from your jokes or look like heavy drops of water, down my cheeks they roll.
I wont lie, my heart hurts and at times I can barely move anymore.
It’s killing me but keeping me alive, days that my heart feels heavy I question myself: why do I keep carry on living this way of life?
As I trail my finger tips on your fine skin, I speak to you in my mind. I tell you I love you and I miss you when your not around. I look at your face, peaceful and asleep, dreaming away.
I embedd your warmth in my hands, I curse myself for how addicted I am to your taste.
The aftertaste lingers for days, sometimes weeks go by without it.
I long for my dose, knowing it could come my way or never come back at all.
The hope to be in that state of high keeps me going til the next time it takes place.
My system is clear & my blood feels pure again, the feeling of being detoxed makes me think of staying this way..
& as soon as I think of choosing to fix the addiction, my phone beeps, flashes a message – my next dose is ready to be taken again.