The Colour of Love is You.

Isn’t it funny? How colours make you feel a certain way?

Like the colour of the sky when the sun is rising and the colour of the sky when the sun is setting.

Like the depth of the night when the black sets in and the brightness of the mornings when the day rolls in.

A certain feeling comes to the mind and heart as if to remind you to feel a certain way or tracks you back to a memory when you felt an emotion which had sank into your memory box forever.

The blue in the sky, so bright and colourful made me think of how the summer days were spent missing you, you being a 15 minute walk, two buses, three train rides and too many butterflies away. The nostalgia dances around me playing the distant memories of how cruel the colourful sky made my day.

And the bright storms of the nights you stayed, i could see the reflection of the raindrops on my window and the bright yellow from the lampost outside..although it was stormy outside, there was peace inside as I watched you lay there.

The colour of the red of the t-shirt you gave me to keep, I eyed it and wore with pride. I felt like a princess with the tshirt as my dress and your love as my crown. I let it hug my body and invade my heart with happiness, the red mingled into my soul, I never felt so alive.

The smoke filled my lungs and the dim arabian lights made it hard to see, but it was clear, the outline of your hands were touching her body. Jealous yellows, envious oranges and vengeful greens, the colours of heartbreak were never so bright.

Dark navy, lacey beige. Light pink lipstick layer upon layer. The colour of forgiveness started to show, the apologising for the past made it glow. I looked in your eyes and saw your mistakes, the depth of your brown eyes made me fall in love again.

I saw the truth, I couldnt see any lies.  I still remember the colours of you coming back into my life. No colours were available when you weren’t around, as if I closed my eyes to the beauty around.

The colour of missing you remains the same, it doesnt have a certain feeling its just different levels of pain. No matter where i go and what i feel in colours, the colour of love for me will never change.

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A CUP OF TEA AND HEROIN. ~The Heroin~ 

I wait on my next dose.
Addicted since the very first day.
Can’t get enough even though it’s poison in every drop and every way.
The rush lasts for hours, helps me find comfort in the most discomforting way.

Maybe I’m a masochist, I always to try to run and break free but deep down I know I will never leave.

What can I do? This addiction started when I first layed my eyes on you. 

It’s highs and it’s lows, how my emotions are out of control. They sometimes sound like the laughter that forms from your jokes or look like heavy drops of water, down my cheeks they roll.

I wont lie, my heart hurts and at times I can barely move anymore. 
It’s killing me but keeping me alive, days that my heart feels heavy I question myself: why do I keep carry on living this way of life?
As I trail my finger tips on your fine skin, I speak to you in my mind. I tell you I love you and I miss you when your not around. I look at your face, peaceful and asleep, dreaming away.

I embedd your warmth in my hands, I curse myself for how addicted I am to your taste.

The aftertaste lingers for days, sometimes weeks go by without it.
I long for my dose, knowing it could come my way or never come back at all.
The hope to be in that state of high keeps me going til the next time it takes place.
My system is clear & my blood feels pure again, the feeling of being detoxed makes me think of staying this way..
& as soon as I think of choosing to fix the addiction, my phone beeps, flashes a message – my next dose is ready to be taken again.