The BEST in a FRIEND.

Only the lucky ones will have what she has.

The best in a friend.

A prayer, a companion, a shoulder to cry on? Much more than that. The role of this human was much more than that. 

We shared the secrets and poured our hearts out, we didnt ever need much from each other but a listening ear was much more than enough. In a world where people break your trust, you gave me a reason to trust again.

The dark corners of my heart spilled to you and you didnt judge me once, you merely blinked and smiled and adviced me to stay strong. Thats when I knew, I had found the best in a friend.

You put up with my mood swings which were constantly demanding attention – not easy to keep up with but you stayed true to me and smiled and told me you were here for me and thats when i knew i had found the best in a friend.

The nights when i felt the loneliest and tears were my only way out, you held my hand and walked me out of the darkness.. i would wonder why you would do this for me but each time you just smiled and said i deserve better and thats when i knew i had found the best in a friend. 

When struggle set in and the bank balance starting running low, I hesitated to ask for help but your hand never pulled away, in a time where money means more than it should, you never let me sleep hungry and thats when i knew i had found the best in a friend. 

I pray for you everynight, each moment that passes by, your so brave and quiet I sometimes forget your hurting. Forgive me – im only human. Though, you always put me first and i tried to be the best i could but i could never compare the best in you, the talent in you, the strength in you. The giving in you, the love in you, the happiness you would hand to me without thinking twice, the compassion in you. 

I wouldn’t be who I am without the support of you, there aren’t enough words to put together to describe the best in you.

The Colour of Love is You.

Isn’t it funny? How colours make you feel a certain way?

Like the colour of the sky when the sun is rising and the colour of the sky when the sun is setting.

Like the depth of the night when the black sets in and the brightness of the mornings when the day rolls in.

A certain feeling comes to the mind and heart as if to remind you to feel a certain way or tracks you back to a memory when you felt an emotion which had sank into your memory box forever.

The blue in the sky, so bright and colourful made me think of how the summer days were spent missing you, you being a 15 minute walk, two buses, three train rides and too many butterflies away. The nostalgia dances around me playing the distant memories of how cruel the colourful sky made my day.

And the bright storms of the nights you stayed, i could see the reflection of the raindrops on my window and the bright yellow from the lampost outside..although it was stormy outside, there was peace inside as I watched you lay there.

The colour of the red of the t-shirt you gave me to keep, I eyed it and wore with pride. I felt like a princess with the tshirt as my dress and your love as my crown. I let it hug my body and invade my heart with happiness, the red mingled into my soul, I never felt so alive.

The smoke filled my lungs and the dim arabian lights made it hard to see, but it was clear, the outline of your hands were touching her body. Jealous yellows, envious oranges and vengeful greens, the colours of heartbreak were never so bright.

Dark navy, lacey beige. Light pink lipstick layer upon layer. The colour of forgiveness started to show, the apologising for the past made it glow. I looked in your eyes and saw your mistakes, the depth of your brown eyes made me fall in love again.

I saw the truth, I couldnt see any lies.  I still remember the colours of you coming back into my life. No colours were available when you weren’t around, as if I closed my eyes to the beauty around.

The colour of missing you remains the same, it doesnt have a certain feeling its just different levels of pain. No matter where i go and what i feel in colours, the colour of love for me will never change.

A CUP OF TEA AND HEROIN. ~The Tea~

​Tierd and bored,

Need somebody to hold.

Need comfort, need sleep…

..I think I want my number one cup of tea.
That should relax me, it should feel nice.
I’ll give her a text, i know it’s been long but she’ll surely reply.
I’m on my way to feel home again.
It’s a pleasure to know, it’s there when I want it..
I see her, I do, that’s my favourite cup of tea.. – you know that I missed you.
It’s been a while since I felt happy, been lonely for weeks, trying to feel okay.
But now you got me, make this last, I like the way you taste, wrap me in your warmth.
Ah, that feels good, relieves the months of stress, I need this cleansing potion to put me at rest.
Your the original flavour that I once fell in love with, im so used to it now, I think of reminding you how much this means to me but I’m afraid it could the wrong way.
Don’t get me wrong, I love you in so many ways, the way you look for me and how you keep yourself reserved, it never fails to amaze.

 Always available when I need you and as strong you make yourself for me,
– I like the way it all feels, pure and clean.
Wrapped up in your arms all through the night,I like my cup of tea just by my side.
Iv tasted other flavours, cherry,vanilla and strawberry too, they were nice for the moment but nothing compared to the original and so I came back to you.
You know what makes me feel right, you know what makes me feel good.
Iv enjoyed this tea break, ill be back again, like always, it’s been good.
Keep yourself warm & tender;I want to sip on you again..My favourite cup of tea, I know you’ll be here for me til the end.

A CUP OF TEA AND HEROIN. ~The Heroin~

I wait on my next dose.
Addicted since the very first day.
Can’t get enough even though it’s poison in every drop and every way.
The rush lasts for hours, helps me find comfort in the most discomforting way.

Maybe I’m a masochist, I always to try to run and break free but deep down I know I will never leave.

What can I do? This addiction started when I first layed my eyes on you. 

It’s highs and it’s lows, how my emotions are out of control. They sometimes sound like the laughter that forms from your jokes or look like heavy drops of water, down my cheeks they roll.

I wont lie, my heart hurts and at times I can barely move anymore. 
It’s killing me but keeping me alive, days that my heart feels heavy I question myself: why do I keep carry on living this way of life?
As I trail my finger tips on your fine skin, I speak to you in my mind. I tell you I love you and I miss you when your not around. I look at your face, peaceful and asleep, dreaming away.

I embedd your warmth in my hands, I curse myself for how addicted I am to your taste.

The aftertaste lingers for days, sometimes weeks go by without it.
I long for my dose, knowing it could come my way or never come back at all.
The hope to be in that state of high keeps me going til the next time it takes place.
My system is clear & my blood feels pure again, the feeling of being detoxed makes me think of staying this way..
& as soon as I think of choosing to fix the addiction, my phone beeps, flashes a message – my next dose is ready to be taken again.